The Lady Gunslinger

Once there was an old man who lived on his ranch in the Arizona desert. This was in the days of the wild, wild west. He was a cowboy. In those days all cowboys wore or carried guns. But, this cowboy didn't carry his guns anymore. He had hung them up over the fireplace in his ranch house. He did this because when he was younger he was even wilder than the wild, wild west and his guns seemed to always get him in trouble. He would shoot a man just for making him mad! Then the town sheriff would come and say, "Why did you shoot this poor man?". And he would say, "Sheriff, he made me very mad!". The sheriff would answer back, Welllllll ... ok son, but you have to leave this town by sundown, or we will hang you in the morning!". So, this wild cowboy always had to keep moving from town to town and could never get married and raise children. He would go to the saloons and chase around the dance hall ladies trying to catch one to take away and make his wife. They would run from him screaming with their skirts swirling and swishing round about them. He would be close behind them all red in the face, huffing and puffing with his boots clomping and his spurs jangling. He had his arms stretched out and his hands catching the empty air, because they always ran faster than him. Soon, because of all this running about, the air would become filled with desert dust from the saloon floor. Clouds of dust, which would settle into the whiskey drinks of the other cowboy and turn them to mud. All the screaming and boot clomping would become so loud that no one could hear the piano player playing their favorite cowboy songs. Finally one of the cowboys would become so upset with this mess that he would yell at the wilder than the wild, wild west cowboy to "STOP!". Oh-oh. You know what came next. Right? Out would come his gun, and after a little talk with the sheriff he rode out of town at sundown. He was a wild cowboy. He was a sad cowboy.